Anniversary poem

A man struggling to find an adequate anniversary present for a girlfriend who's hard to please

He says... ...She says

My love is like a rose...

Oh, bloody expensive?
I know you didn't say it
But I know you meant it

No, I meant you're as pretty as...a bouquet of flowers

Which start off nice but then wilt in hours?

Honestly honey, I'm just trying to be pleasant
But if you don't like my words I've also got you a present
I bought your favourite perfume, 'Irresistible Spell'

Are you saying I smell?
(she yells in his face)
And didn't Michelle wear that
When she last came round our place?

That's not why I bought it darling, please calm down
I'll make you some tea, please sit down
And here's a box of chocolates...

Are you trying to make me fat?
I'm trying to watch my weight, you know that

But I thought just once...OK, I get the deal
Well how about we go for a nice candlelit meal?

(They have a Chinese, he says) Do you fancy the duck?

Do I fancy a *uck?!
If you think I'm like that
Well, then you're out of luck!

I just meant the food (he says) I don't want a fling
To show my commitment I'll give you a ring

Give me a ring?!
I want more than a phone call to show me you care

And he just raises his hands in despair